I think we can all agree break ups suck, no matter what age you are and no matter what side of the break up you are on. That horrible feeling of rejection is hard to shake, it is a feeling ingrained in us for survival because if you were rejected from your tribe you would be pretty much screwed. But that "rejection" is now a chance for renewal and to come back stronger than ever. I have been heart broken in the past as most of us have - here are some things that have got me through, although some may be simple things I hope they help you too.
Simple things first:
Make a Spotify playlist
If you can, limit the songs that remind you of them. It's okay to have a love detox for a while, so turn off those love songs and get some strong independent beats on high! Need some inspiration? Here's a playlist already made for you.
If you prefer something to watch:
- New Girl
- How to be Single
All with a strong leads that will leave you feeling empowered. Here is also a list from Huffpost for all the best shows available on Netflix.
Put the memories in a box and hide them under your bed
Don’t read over every Christmas and Birthday card they have ever written you, analysing every word or look at that turtle they made you out of a paper clip every second of the day. The best solution might be to throw it all away, but when the break up is still fresh it can be difficult to be strong and muster the will power to actually do this. Instead, give yourself a break - put everything in a box and tuck it away under your bed. You don't have to commit to getting rid of it just yet, but it will be out of sight and therefore out of mind for a while, for you to deal with when you are ready to do so.
Don't try to pin point where it went wrong
Overthinking where things might have gone wrong can be torture. But it is not worth the sleepless nights as you will most likely never find the answer. If you tried your best at the relationship, it simply wasn't meant to be. That word you think you shouldn't have said or that argument you shouldn't have started wouldn't have helped, but delayed the inevitable at most. So don't beat yourself up about it.
Think about what the relationship taught you
This might happen further down the line but when you are ready, start to think of the lessons the relationship has given you. Appreciate the tastes in music they gave you, that black and white movie they showed you, that rebellious side they brought out in you, what they taught you about topics you would have never learnt about otherwise. All these things make you who you are and you should be grateful for that. And eventually, you will be ready to see the qualities you do and don't like in a person, and what your new priorities might be next time around.
Forgive them for moving on
Okay this one is hard. Naturally, if we no longer want to be with them of course we still want them to want us - duh. Then you find out a month later they have already moved on and are taking her to all your favourite places that YOU showed them (anyway....). It's important to remember this part isn't a competition, if they move on within a month and you move on in a year - that's okay. Try your best to forgive them for moving on, think of this as a way to speed up the healing process for yourself. They are human, they are not going to be single after your relationship forever. Just avoid the social media stalking for a while, awk but you can have a sneak peek in 6 months or so...
If the dynamic is right keep in touch with their family
Losing touch with their family and friends can make the break up even harder. However, break ups don't always mean breaking up with their entire family or group of friends. Give it a couple of months after the break up and if the dynamic is right, check in on the people you still want to keep in contact with. Be sure not to mention "You Know Who" and only contact them if you have no interest in how your ex is getting on and that you are emotionally prepared if the topic comes up.
Be excited for who is next
You don't date a guy or girl that was worse than your partner previous to them, right? So who ever comes next is only going to be better! Think of it as waiting for an upgrade. Whoever is next is already out there, going about their business - and I always think that is so exciting. Although there will always be someone next, enjoy your single chapters too as much as you can. You never know when it is the last time.
In the end, break-ups are horrible and we will all have to go through them at one point or another. I know it's a cliche but time really is always the best healer and will show you why it wasn't right. Don't be too hard on yourself, surround yourself with good friends and family, uplifting movies and music as well as taking some time out for yourself to pursue new things. You will be feeling better in no time.
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